World Wars

Jacob died. His body was never recovered. The cause of death was unknown. The fact that he died wasn’t questioned though. He was 17 and his blood was smeared across the wall. There was a memorial service and no further questions were asked.
Jacob didn’t really die. He just needed to get away. True, that was his blood. He cut himself and smeared the blood. Jacob found a field.
He walked to the field after he cut himself. He had a shovel, so he started digging. He got pretty deep, he actually almost made it to the core. He built a little shelter and then put together a ladder. Jacob had an idea.
He then dug his way to the Atlantic. He positioned the ladder firmly in the sand and started climbing. He made it through the troposphere, stratosphere, and well into space. He went into black holes and other galaxies, but he wasn’t interested in all that. He built a bridge from space to water, two things that never touch. He was just hanging out on Venus one day with all the fly traps when he decided to send a message to Earth. He walked to the moon with his shovel and carved in a message. It read “fuck what you think.”
Earth saw it and, needless to say, was not too happy. Earth was so upset that he sent a clear message back. It swept the gravity right out from under the moons feet. Jacob saw what happened from the Big Dipper, where he liked to eat brunch. He was amused, so he decided to play a game. He was going to try to make all the Planets war with each other. He devised his plan under the watchful eye of the constellation Orion.
He started sending messages to all the planets in bottles. He would sign the messages with the name of another planet or moon. The Planets are smart. They got together and figured that Jacob was the problem. Not only did they take away Orion’s belt for participating but they had Taurus cut off Jacobs limbs. They put them in a box and mailed them to his parents house with a note that was signed by nine planets and a couple moons.
Now Jacob was dead.
- William Wallace a.k.a Winston Wolf a.k.a World Wars